"I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection."

I can be quite the perfectionist. Must be perfect or I must not be doing my job correctly, right? Combine this and a minor (okay, maybe moderate) case of OCD when it comes to cleaning, and there you have it. Me.

For a long time, I had these high expectations of myself. I mean, really high. Unattainable. I wanted the house  to be perfect all the time. I sacrificed spending quality time with my kids to clean. True story. I still do it, occasionally, and I catch myself. What am I doing? Is this what I want? I don't agree with a ton of TV time, yet I was finding myself letting the kids watch episode after episode so I could "get things done". I ran myself into the ground. I was miserable on the inside. 

I am a very stubborn person- I know this about myself. It's hard for me to accept help (even from my own husband), because I want things done a certain way. If they weren't done the way I'd do them myself, I'd re-do them. Who does that? What sane person does that? Me.

Do you know what happens when you choose cleaning over spending time with your kids? You end up with a neat and tidy living space, and kids who are acting out because they're starved for your attention. 

It's easy to become overwhelmed with everything that needs to get done. I get it. Really, I do. But, at the end of the day, what really matters? Does it matter that all of your closets were cleaned out and reorganized, or does it matter than you made an existing mess in the kitchen even bigger by letting your kids finger paint? I'll let you decide that one for yourself. Just watch the joy in their faces. The answer isn't hard.

My mom always told me that one day, the fingerprints won't be there anymore and I will miss them. Think of the truth in that. One day, when my kids are gone and our nest is empty, I will crave the days when I could've spent less time cleaning, and more time enjoying these beautiful children of mine. The mess will always be there, at least for the next sixteen years. Don't waste precious time.

I've chosen to hold myself to a standard of grace and not perfection. I will let the dishes pile and the laundry baskets overflow if that means I will spend more time with my children. I will overlook the small things and keep the big picture in mind: my kids are growing up so fast before my very eyes. When I think I've hugged them enough for the day, I'll hug them once more. When I have absolutely no energy within my being to read "just one more" story at bedtime, I will ask God for his grace. When I feel the urge to ditch the dishes and snuggle my babies instead... I will. 

I want to make each day count.

Now, I know that it's unrealistic to let everything go and spend every waking moment with your kids, nor do I want to do that. I need me-time, I need a break, and let's face it, meals need to be cooked, laundry needs to be washed, dishes need to be done. Toilets scrubbed, bedding changed, dust, vacuum, repeat. It won't get done on its own and there is no maid coming. 

What I'm trying to say is simply this: it's okay if our house isn't perfect. It's okay. It's okay if I don't stay on top of things all the time. 

Sometimes, things need to get a little bit messy in order for my heart to be made clean. 

And I have to let it. I have to surrender control. I'm finally okay with that.

Thank you, God, for making me clean.